T'was the night before Christmas
And all through the hood
Ain't sh*t that was stirring:
Nope, it was all good
The stocking was hung on my big fat dick
We was hoping to get some of that good sh*t
From old jolly Saint Nick
The children were snuggled up, sleeping in bed
My b*tch on my jock, giving holiday head
When outside my crib there rolled such a clatter
I stuck my head out and yelled "What tha f*ck is the matter?!"
Then a fat, red pimp got out of his ride
It was perfectly clear he was from the North Side
"Yo Santa what's up? Did you bring me some chronic?"
And Tanqueray gin I can mix with my tonic?
He said "ho, ho, ho" and opened his sack
It was stuffed full of endo, had to take a step back
"Is this for the Dogg? Did you bring this for me?
To blaze with my hoes and my closest homies?"
He just nodded his head, his eyes about shut
It was then that I knew: Saint Nick was f*cked up
He ate all my motherf*ckin' cookies
I left on the plate
Then he went to the fridge
And he ate, and he ate, and that fat motherf*cka ate
And when he was done
When the cupboard was bare
He packed his sh*t up and got outta there
"Good night Doggy Dogg!" he said from the sky
"Merry Christmas to all you motherf*ckers
And to all a good high"